In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the
military services, Congress has approved the following changes
to basic principles of recruit training:
HAIRCUTS:
Marines: heads will be shaved.
Army: flat-tops for all recruits.
Navy: no haircut standard.
Air Force: complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.
TRAINING HOURS:
Marines: rise at 0500, train until 2000.
Army: rise at 0600, train until 1900.
Navy: rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch till 1300, train till 1600.
Air Force: rise at 1000, breakfast in bed, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400,
training ceases at 1500.
MEALS:
Marines: Meals-Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
Army: one hot meal, 2 MRE's.
Navy: 3 hot meals.
Air Force: catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Childs,
and Wolfgang Puck. All you can eat.
LEAVE and LIBERTY:
Marines: none.
Army: 4 hours a week.
Navy: 2 days a week.
Air Force: for every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight
hours of leave and liberty.
PROTOCOL:
Marines: will address all officers as "Sir" and refer to the rank of all
enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. Sgt Smith).
Army: will address all officers as "Sir", unless they are friends, and
will call all enlisted personnel "Sarge".
Navy: will address all officers as "Skipper", and all enlisted personnel
as "Chief".
Air Force: all Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with
all other personnel.
DECORATIONS/AWARDS:
Marines: medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery.
Army: medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade
thrown, fitness test passed, and bed made.
Navy: will have ships engineers make medals for them as needed.
Air Force: will be issued all medals as they will most likely be awarded
them at some point early in their careers
CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORMS:
Marines: work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
Army: will wear it anytime, anywhere.
Navy: will not wear cammies, they do not camouflage you on a ship.
Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to your sailors.
Air Force: will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue and gray
service chevrons and name tapes on them.
CAREER FIELDS:
Marines: all Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.
Army: doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment.
Navy: nobody knows. Navy still trying figure out what all the SMC, BNC,
BSN, and all the other ratings things are.
Air Force: every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow them
to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.
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